It is often a daunting prospect to look at dating as a single parent when you have been married or in a long term relationship. Frequently, feelings of fear, anxiety, and depression can overwhelm the desire to find another partner. Often with time, however, the pain and confusion over the breakup gives way to a craving for companionship. By keeping these single parent dating tips in mind, you will be on your way to a healthy, happy relationship.
Seek Companionship
Humans, by their very nature, have the innate desire to love and be loved. Although there are many different definitions of love, it is important that you not only think of yourself and your desires, but that you consider the needs and wants of your children, as well.
As a person begins to heal from a bad past relationship, the desire to have human contact and interaction grows. You need to allow yourself to feel the desire to change your image and look for a potential mate. Often a new hair cut or style, new clothes, or even a good clean out of your home can mentally prepare you for wanting to interact with the opposite sex once again.
Even though the need for love and companionship is strong, make sure that you are looking at single parent dating through clear eyes. While you are looking for someone that you can bond with, you are no longer the free spirit that you may have been prior to having children. You cannot slip away for a weekend getaway, or spend the night at your lover’s house with your children waiting anxiously at home. You have the responsibility to keep your children feeling safe and comfortable, while balancing your needs and desire for a close relationship.
Prepare Yourself for Rejection
As much as we would all love to think that we are the perfect mate, it is absolutely certain that you are going to meet people that don’t want to pursue a relationship. Rejection is a natural part of the dating process. If you take the time to think back to your last dating experience (before the one that has left you single), you will probably remember that you did not hit the ball out of the park with the first person. In fact, you would have been considered lucky to have had a ball to hit.
It can be easy to take these rejections personally. Do yourself a favor and do not over analyze these rejections. Some people get along, some don’t. Some people like sarcasm or humor, some don’t. Don’t be so eager to assume that you are the problem and that no one is going to want to be in a serious relationship with you. It takes time to get to know a person. It takes even more time to really get to like a person enough to establish friendship. Most people aren’t surrounded by hundreds of friends, which show that somewhere along the line, people didn’t like you. This can be a good thing. Be prepared, don’t be over critical.
Look for the Positive
Every date that you go out on won’t necessarily finish with a happy ending. Instead of picking apart the things that went wrong or the qualities that your date didn’t have, focus instead on the positive. What about your experience went well? What were some of the positive qualities that your date possessed? If you spend your time fine tuning the things that you do like in a person, you are that much closer to finding a good companion.
Leave the Past Behind
One of the worst things a person can do on a date is constantly talk about the ex. Although it can be difficult to find conversation starters, it is never a good idea to bring up your past relationships early on in dating. No one really wants to hear your relationship woes and the baggage that they might be gaining by pursuing you romantically.
This is not to say that you should never talk about the things that led to the demise of your previous relationships. In order to understand and learn from both of your pasts, you will need to talk about them in relation to the present. But save the deep, soul searching conversations for when your relationship has advanced to the point where you are considering a longer term commitment that may impact your children.
Choose a Neutral Meeting Place
It is outdated to assume that every first date has to begin with dinner. When starting to date as a single parent, your main objective is to build trust and comfort. Often, the pressure of dining out can seem overwhelming to a person who finds Mc Donald’s a stimulating place.
If an evening out seems overly daunting, choose a daytime meeting. Do not feel limited by societal norms. You can just as easily attend a matinee and eat an ice cream afterwards, than go to a late show with unknown expectations a little later. Choose a place that you feel comfortable. If you would rather meet the individual there, suggest it. There is no rule that says that you have to drive in one car on the date.
If you and your date both like to be outside, plan to meet at a park or botanical garden. If you both find museums fascinating, arrange to go to one of the local showings. Your activity is only limited by your imagination. Make the time you spend together enjoyable by doing something that you both find pleasant. That way, even if you don’t hit it off personally, you can truly say you had a nice time.
Be Honest
As a single parent who is dating, it is only right to let the person you are seeing know that you have children. There is nothing worse than hiding the fact that you are a single parent. With divorces and separations so common in society today, being truthful is not the death sentence it once was.
Many men and women are completely open to dating a single parent. In fact, because of the prevalence of divorce in society, it is often difficult to date someone who doesn’t have children from a past relationship. By being honest with the other person, you are immediately showing that you value their time, and yours. Why invest 6 dates on a person who later turns out to despise children? Or, how would you feel if you found out after several dates that your potential mate has 4 children all from different women or men?
Start off the potential relationship on the right foot. You can never go wrong with being honest about your children.
Screen Your Dates
Single parents must be even more careful when looking to find a relationship, than if they were alone. Although every person has a little anxiety over a new date, it should be an even larger anxiety when children are involved. No single mother or father wants to be responsible for bringing a pedophile into the home. Sadly, you can never be too careful where your children are concerned.
Even so, it is not necessary to fingerprint your date when they come to your door. There are thousands of Internet sites that will perform a criminal and civil background check on a person for a reasonable fee. With basic information such as the full name, address, and phone number, a local search can be done within seconds. There are certainly sites that can go into more detail, but if you are simply trying to ensure that your date is not a registered sex offender, this is the way to go.
Whether or not you choose to inform this perosn that you have checked them out is up to you. Often, this type of information is not shared on the first date, but if the relationship continues it should be broached. This goes back to the honesty section above.
Setting Parameters
With children inside your home, it is absolutely necessary to set boundaries for your relationship. Most single parents were at one time sexually active. Although this is obviously a personal choice, it is a good idea to talk about what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior with regard to your children.
If you are dealing with an ex-spouse, it is even more critical to have clearly established guidelines. You probably don’t want your children to go visit their other parent and talk about how “mommy’s boyfriend” or “daddy’s girlfriend” wanders around the house half clothed.
Although this can be an uncomfortable topic to bring up with a potential mate, it is one that will pay off. By having clearly established expectations, it can prevent hurt feelings and/or misunderstandings in the future. Consider discussing things as simple as your feelings about disciplining your children, household routines, and established family traditions. The more that you lay out early on in the relationship; the less likely there will be major conflict down the road.
Begin with the End in Mind
Even though you are a newly singled parent and your children are highly important, remember that it is you who is looking for companionship. Through trial and error you will begin to establish a new set of relationship criteria.
Take this opportunity to enjoy the world of dating. There are hundreds of men and women who are looking for a companion to share their time with. Give yourself the gift of taking your time to get to know what you are looking for in a mate. There is no reason to rush into any relationship. Take your time and give yourself the chance to be picky. You have just come out of a relationship that didn’t work. Reflect on the characteristics that you really want in a person.
More than anything be open to the unexpected. Despite the best laid plans, life happens. Enjoy unforeseen opportunities without over analyzing every facet of the experience. Dating as a single parent can be an exhilarating and exciting experience. You are no longer the young, innocent, naïve person you once were. You can go onto the single parent dating scene wiser, more experienced, and ready to find life and love on your own terms.